Hungry, anyone?

Granny and the grenade

Favorite quote:

But what if she had cooked it?

Nah, I just watch Law & Order

Student, describing the facts of a case: Well, the police tagged the suspect and identified the house they thought had drugs. They finished casing the place, and…

Prof: “Casing the place?” Are you part of the underworld?

Dividendcandy Mountain

Prof, on the corporate duty of care: It expects you to be really good but only holds you accountable for being really bad. What’s in between really good and really bad is fluff we feed to the masses to keep them happy.

I only weave when I'm committing securities fraud.

Student: Yeah, I think it might be reasonable to search cars on a routine traffic stop.

Prof: That’s reasonable? So, maybe the driver is weaving and speeding because he’s… mounting his rocket launcher?

Student: Well, maybe LSD makes you weave and speed in a certain way. I don’t know.

Prof: Sure you don’t.

Seen in Starbucks

I saw this in the stall of the restroom at Starbucks. The last line made me laugh.

But Erin Brockovich was on last night...

Prof: That was in the optional reading. You guys all did the optional reading, right? I know I always did while I was in law school.

That's got to crimp your academic research.

Student, illustrating a civil procedure point: It’s not Jane Foster, but it’s a good law movie.

Prof: I won’t watch a Julia Roberts movie. I’m sorry—I just can’t do it. They make me physically ill.

Is this a trick question?

Prof: Student, what do you think about altruism?

Student: I think it’s nice… Yeah, it’s a good thing.

Why Michiana is still inhabited

Prof, as current temperature is 4 degrees Fahrenheit: I think I just have short memory. I forget winter during the summer, and summer is too short for me to move before it’s winter again.

You don't know the answer, do you?

Business Associations Prof: Student, does that make sense?

Student: Well, being that I don’t know a whole lot about business associations—

Prof: That’s why you’re here.

Student: And I am enriching myself in the discipline daily.

Prof: With great wonder and excitement, no doubt.

That and they won't date you...

Prof: The worst thing you can see in grad school when you walk into your first class is three nuns in the front row. Their homework will ALWAYS be done. I'm a human being! I shouldn't have to be judged by nuns!

It's just a flesh wound.

Prof: Student, what if the suspect stabbed the woman in the head with a machete and ran away with the purse? Is deadly force justified? He still has the purse. But not the machete… It’s with the woman.

Student: um.

Prof: She’s not dead, don’t worry. We’ll make this PG-13. She’s going to be okay.

Glad it wasn't just me.

Prof [re: chapter on corporate formalities]: This is the most boring reading assignment of the semester, maybe of your entire life. I like to set the expectations low.

Where is this going?

Prof: You can argue that tax law is invalid, but if I don’t pay they’ll put liens on my assets. It won’t do them any good, because I don’t have any assets. I spent them all on my children.

Quiverfull of blunt sticks

Prof: You can’t coerce gratitude. I wish you could; I have eight kids, and if I could make them grateful I could retire.

Things you learn in school

Student, upon looking up the seven deadly sins and corresponding virtues: What!? Chastity's a virtue?

The true distinction of common law

Prof: I love talking about the English law system, obviously because it is all about cross-dressing. And wigs! It’s all about the wigs!

Ready for V-day?

But I try to keep my opinions out of lectures...

Prof: Bork’s positivism can’t be applied, so it’s no better than the positivism of these other guys. In a word, positivism sucks.

Ignore the subtext.

Prof: Why did we fight the revolution?

Student: To get rid of oppressive imperialist England?

As opposed to woodshedando

Written on cello part to Beethoven’s 5th above a particularly challenging run of 32nd notes: Fake-issimo

Let's not get into family law here.

Prof: Let’s say you are my daughter, and you have a curfew of 10:00. The prom goes until 12 or 1. Now if you ask me if you can go to the prom, and I say “yes,” knowing the prom times, have I impliedly given you permission to stay out past 10 that night?

Student: If you were my dad, no.

A license to tautologize

Prof: If I were an economist, that would be a redundant phrase—reduce the cost, increase the efficiency. I’m not an economist, thank goodness.

BJU Alumn Chris Sligh: Next American Idol?

I've never followed AI before, but I had to check out Jon's bro, and I'm glad I did. I think I found my new favorite band. I know, I know, it's lame to jump on the bandwagon so late, but I really didn't know Chris and his band were so good before the (pseudo)media caught on. Jon, I'm holding you personally responsible for not telling me before.