Hold me back...

First, let me apologize for my recent lack of posting; I've just returned to classes after a 10-week internship. Unfortunately, my tax accountant colleagues were not nearly as quotable as my professors. Spending all that time in a classroom must do something to a person.

Anyway, on with the show...

Prof (describing a group project): You'll like it about as well as you'll like just about any other required educational activity.

Did you tell the SEC about your lemonade stand?

From Business Associations:

…[T]he securities laws apply to lots of things that don’t look very much like securities at first glance. For example, investments in worm farms.

Only effective way I can think of

From Business Associations:

It is perhaps a cheap way of getting your attention, but it is nevertheless worth pointing out that securities regulation issues reportedly are the single most common source of legal malpractice claims against business lawyers.

That was free.

Prof: Men and women speak different dialects, and men, the quicker you learn to translate, the better chance you have of having (and keeping) a significant other.

I don't remember that from Greek class.

Prof: Hercules is the Greek word for muscles… and for doing stupid things while you’re drunk.

Good point. Do I get a refund?

Prof: There’s no reason that you should borrow large amounts of money so that the school can pay me an obscene salary to teach you about clothes when the emperor doesn’t wear any.

...and if I have shinguards.

Prof: If you went to visit a married friend and he said “Hey, come on in, watch the game,” and his wife said “Under no circumstances am I allowing you into my house.” Would you go in?

Student: Depends who’s playing.

And the car was from Jupiter...

Prof: Can a dog sniff the car?

Student: Yes, that would be okay.

Prof: What about a robot probe?

Student: No, that would be a violation.

Prof: What if it was a dog that was in an accident and was half-dog, half-robot?

Student: Um?

Vote for Pedro

[when discussing a tax provision that denies business deductions for drug dealers]

Student: Does this ever come up? I mean do drug dealers really file tax returns?

Prof: I don’t think there are many drug dealers filing tax returns and trying to deduct their flights to Columbia.

Student: So why is this in here?

Prof: Because some Congressman wanted to show his constituents he was tough on drugs.


HT: the Bard

Hungry, anyone?

Granny and the grenade

Favorite quote:

But what if she had cooked it?

Nah, I just watch Law & Order

Student, describing the facts of a case: Well, the police tagged the suspect and identified the house they thought had drugs. They finished casing the place, and…

Prof: “Casing the place?” Are you part of the underworld?

Dividendcandy Mountain

Prof, on the corporate duty of care: It expects you to be really good but only holds you accountable for being really bad. What’s in between really good and really bad is fluff we feed to the masses to keep them happy.

I only weave when I'm committing securities fraud.

Student: Yeah, I think it might be reasonable to search cars on a routine traffic stop.

Prof: That’s reasonable? So, maybe the driver is weaving and speeding because he’s… mounting his rocket launcher?

Student: Well, maybe LSD makes you weave and speed in a certain way. I don’t know.

Prof: Sure you don’t.

Seen in Starbucks

I saw this in the stall of the restroom at Starbucks. The last line made me laugh.

But Erin Brockovich was on last night...

Prof: That was in the optional reading. You guys all did the optional reading, right? I know I always did while I was in law school.

That's got to crimp your academic research.

Student, illustrating a civil procedure point: It’s not Jane Foster, but it’s a good law movie.

Prof: I won’t watch a Julia Roberts movie. I’m sorry—I just can’t do it. They make me physically ill.

Is this a trick question?

Prof: Student, what do you think about altruism?

Student: I think it’s nice… Yeah, it’s a good thing.

Why Michiana is still inhabited

Prof, as current temperature is 4 degrees Fahrenheit: I think I just have short memory. I forget winter during the summer, and summer is too short for me to move before it’s winter again.

You don't know the answer, do you?

Business Associations Prof: Student, does that make sense?

Student: Well, being that I don’t know a whole lot about business associations—

Prof: That’s why you’re here.

Student: And I am enriching myself in the discipline daily.

Prof: With great wonder and excitement, no doubt.

That and they won't date you...

Prof: The worst thing you can see in grad school when you walk into your first class is three nuns in the front row. Their homework will ALWAYS be done. I'm a human being! I shouldn't have to be judged by nuns!