NOT environmentally friendly

In context of warrantless searches of vehicles:

Prof: You can only look in containers that could conceal what you're actually looking for. So you can't look inside matchboxes if the probable cause is for smuggling baby harper seals.... unless... no, that's gross.

Accountant humor! (Part 4)

Guest speaker 1 (re: trying to keep a client from doing something while you try to figure out why exactly they shouldn't): You just have to kind of delay and confuse the client for a few days.
Guest speaker 2: That's kind of the approach the SEC took. You could delay them either with a fog of uncertainty or a fog of fear.

Accountant humor! (Part 3) (Or, But what if your mother is an accountant?)

Guest speaker: You can judge the complexity of an accounting concept by whether you can explain it to your mother.

Accountant humor! (Part 2)

Guest speaker (re: the movie "The Smartest Guys in the Room"): You have an idea when movies start being made about accounting concepts that those concepts aren't too well-received by the public.

Accountant humor! (Part 1)

Guest speaker (before launching into a story): I've found that a good rule of thumb is that accounting stories are only entertaining to other accountants, and even then rarely so.

In case you were wondering.

From IRS Publication 547: Loss of property due to damage by a family pet is not deductible as a casualty loss unless the requirements discussed earlier under Casualty are met. Example: Your antique oriental rug was damaged by your new puppy before it was housebroken. Because the damage was not unexpected and unusual, the loss is not deductible as a casualty loss.

[Rats. There goes my tax evasion scheme!]

Forgot about that

Student 1: Flogging Molly is playing at Legends tomorrow night.

Student 2: Hm! I should go. ...only... I don't like them.

re: Presto at the end of Jupiter

[very energetic Asian] conductor: You see, composer do something very hard for orchestra here. Tempo get faster, and notes get more. It would be easier if notes get less when tempo get faster, but I did not get to talk to Holst about that. So we have to do best we can.

I'm not making this up.

This is the jurisprudence outline we were given in class today as a course overview. Some would argue that it's pretty representative of the course, actually. The random date in the lower third on the right is a copyright notice. I think.

So it's not just me!

Prof: Have you ever tried to have a discussion with a non-law person? Have you noticed how messed up their brains are? Haven’t you ever started looking for the judge so you can make an objection on the grounds of irrelevance? But if you bring it up, you just lost a friend… or a significant other.

duh...

Prof: I hope you can read this outline. I don’t type, and my handwriting is poor.

Student: I can’t. Why couldn’t your secretary type it up?

Prof: She can’t read it.

So do we.

Prof: On Monday I will give you an illegible outline of the court. I hope it is helpful to you.

He wasn't kidding.

Prof: Now that you have completed your [teacher evaluations], I can reveal my true self.

Class: *laughs*

Prof: shhhh!! *vicious look*

So is this like a marriage?

Group member 1: You guys complete me.

And the presentation is tomorrow....

Group member 2: I found [this document] that says--
Group member 3: The research needs to be done [by now].
Group member 2: That was my research.

Why I go home from group meetings with heartburn.

Group member 1: You're coming up with all these points that don't make any sense!
Group member 2: That's because my brain works in a weird way, and I get all these great ideas in my head and can't communicate them.

Why I can't study at home well

source: xkcd

Tax Avoidance 101

Group presentation question (re: Sugar Ray Robinson tax case): Does this change your plans for using tax avoidance schemes in the future?
Student 1: Yeah. I don't want to get caught.
Student 2: Well, it seems like they'll give you most of it if you argue a little bit.

Do you think you're that boring?

A group in my class is giving a presentation using PowerPoint. The slide on the screen at the moment reads:

Transition Slide
Listen to the speaker while they are talking

What kitties say

That's about right. Puck does this at random almost on a daily basis.

Why I stopped reading law books

Prof: If you read [a particular philosopher's] work, you'll get depressed. If you're already depressed, don't--your pills won't offset it

Ducking with style

Student: [question about the impact of birthrates on global legal convergence]

Prof: You know, [student], when you have an answer to that question, a lot of people want to know.

I want some ancient rites!

Student, re a European Human Rights Court case condemning adverse possession: I don’t think the English were arguing that they had adverse possession in their bones and the European continent was taking it away from them…

Prof [fake accent]: The ancient rite of the British farmer of taking other people’s land!

Are you sure communism doesn't work?

Guest speaker: I remember I walked into a store once and there was vinegar and salt. It was a liquor store.

Sure, I can relate.

Guest speaker (on the aftermath of the fall of communism in eastern Europe): It's pretty much like North Korea for a moment [i.e., for a while], if you can relate to that.

¿Usted habla inglés?

Prof: Are you fluent in Russian?
Polish guest speaker: Yes.
Prof: And other languages?
Speaker: I speak some English.

Well, from a pragmatic viewpoint...

Student (in a discussion the effects of switching to a consumption tax--specifically, effects on the elderly): They won't complain very long. ... It's better to [tick] off a seventy-year-old than to [tick] off a twenty-year-old.

Heh.

From my Tax Policy book again: The fifth of these tasks [assigned to Hercules] was one of the most daunting of all--to clean, in one day, 30 years of accumulated manure left by thousands of cattle in the stables of Augeas. (The analogy to the tax system is, we fear, obvious.)

But I wouldn't bet on it.

From my Tax Policy book (Taxing Ourselves: A Citizen's Guide to the Debate over Taxes): [T]he AMT will likely end up becoming a contentious political football. ... Still, at some point there must be a limit to how much unnecessary complexity politicians are willing to impose on the middle class for the sake of scoring political points.

But I really wanted to!

Oh the signs the signs...

Thanks for the reassurance.

Prof (after shooting down a student's answer to a question): Now everybody's scared. Don't be scared; I'm harmless. I'm really a nice person.