I now fly Delta.

Northwest agent who will remain anonymous: Next time you want to get somewhere, try a different airline.

Too much information

Me, to pilot standing in a line to be rerouted: I don’t know if I can rent a car; I’m not old enough.

Pilot, taking a step back to look me up and down: I wish I wasn’t old enough to rent a car.

Not the first time this has happened

Joanna, calling hotel to send a shuttle to pick us up after I got stranded in Minneapolis due to a cancelled flight: We have an airline voucher.

Hotel clerk: You flew Northwest, didn’t you?

Patriotism at its finest

[Overheard at Mt. Rushmore as a large Air Force helicopter buzzed overhead]

Tourist to man in Air Force uniform: Is that your helicopter?

Air Force man: Well, sir, that helicopter belongs to the taxpayers, so technically it’s your helicopter.

I think I'll take the train

The plane in Spain gives passengers a pain...

Lookin' on the sunny side of life