Fun in tax class!

Sorry--I've been saving up again. The following specimens of quotable material are all courtesy of my tax professor:

• I've always dreamed of having a gnome [i.e., assistant] or something. ... If I were at a great big school teaching 500 students, I would have a gnome. But I don't want to teach 500 students.
• I'm glad [the computer that I just accidentally shut down] isn't some sort of nuclear reactor. I always loved chemistry, but I wasn't any good in the lab.
• Again, if you miss a [easy] question like that ... you need to do something else. Become an artist or a marketer or something.
• As an aside, if you have family out there, make sure they die in the right state.
• I'm really into saving people money. I think it adds value to the course.
• I always hear about a professor being brilliant, and sometimes I think the measure of brilliance is how fast he can put his subjects to sleep.
• Oh, man. Too many numbers and names and whatever. It's a wonder I can find my way back up to my office.
• There were a lot of really good grades [on the test], and a lot of not-so-good grades. What distinguished the good and the not-so-good, other than a lot of red marks...